Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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