i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
