You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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