hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
