I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
