Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize