She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
