you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
