im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
