my mouth tastes like poor choices
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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