I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
