i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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