I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
