Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
