Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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