I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
