umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
