I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
