Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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