Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
