How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
