he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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