hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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