Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
