Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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