a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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