Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
