Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
