she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
