carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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