Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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