She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
