I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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