I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
