It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
