I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
