I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
