The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
