You're my little dorito
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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