i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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