hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
