OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
