so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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