News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
