She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
