dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish you could order shots online.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
