If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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