Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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