Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
