How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..