So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing