would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.