I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.