I look better un-naked...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.