i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church