3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
