i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
