whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I smell stomach acid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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