I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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