Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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