I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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