The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
