True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
