ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
