I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
