FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
