I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
