that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
