i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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