never play flip cup with pint glasses
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
