youre lurking in front of me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
